i'm headed to portland to witness the last of the high school best friends wedding. it makes me officially The Single Friend, but i'm bored with being worried or sad or embarrassed about that.

i'm instead embracing all The Single Friend duties, including, but not limited to:
- look smoking at the wedding.
- make phallic looking appetizers for the bachlorette party.
- drink dirty martinis.
- buy the bride really expensive, really hot lingerie.
- kiss up on single boys at the wedding.

i'm 100% confident that i can perform my duties well. i'll let you know.